


Say Another Pun Motherfucker, I Dare You

by Ellie_S219



Series: Tuckington Short Stories [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-28 02:39:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13894461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie_S219/pseuds/Ellie_S219
Summary: Dr.Love's #1 tip to seducing a Freelancer:Use puns and one-liners.Agent Washington's #1 tip to avoiding talking about feelings with your boyfriend that isn't your boyfriend yet:Just ignore the shitty puns, he'll have to stop eventually, right?





	1. Chapter 1

This was all Tucker's fault dammit. It was his fault that Wash was trying not to laugh at the crappy puns that recently became an everyday part of his life. 

It'd all started when Wash ran past Tucker during training, to which Tucker responded by whistling and going, "Damn Wash, do you have a shovel in your back pocket 'cause I'm digging that ass!"

Wash kept running but turned around and started running backward and flipped off Tucker by running off even faster.

The next day, Wash was writing out his list of chores that he wanted Caboose to try to get done around the base today when Tucker walked up.

"Wash, if you were words on a page, you'd be _fine_ print." 

Tucker winked and pointed a finger gun at Wash as he walked out of the room. 

The next few days were scattered with crappy pickup lines and puns from the time Wash woke up till before he went to bed.

"Hey, Wash, they say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, wanna fight?"

"Wash, I have bad news. I was gonna take you to an art museum and make out with you but I'm not allowed to touch the masterpieces."

"Your armor really doesn't suit you Wash. I think we all know you'd look better in my arms."

"Hey Wash, is your last name Google, cause you're everything I'm looking for."

"I'm not Rapunzel, but I'd still let you pull my hair."

"Hey Wash, you ever hear of princes, let me know if you wanna be treated like one."

"Do you like sleeping? Me too, we should do it together sometime."

"Damn Wash, you're so hot, even my zipper is falling for you."

Wash was honestly beginning to wonder how this situation could get any worse, but he was still new to Blue team, and he failed to realize that Tucker hasn't seen him without his helmet yet. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

As much as Wash hated all of the crappy puns he'd heard that week, he was about to hate it even more. 

He'd just gotten ready for bed when he realized that he forgot to get a glass of water. Wash started walking into the kitchen of blue base when he heard glass breaking. 

Wash immediately grabbed a gun that he had hidden in a cabinet and aimed it where he'd heard the sound. 

Tucker was standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at Wash while holding open the fridge. 

"Tucker, what the hell?"

"Goddammit," Tucker said hanging his head but not moving from the broken glass.

"Tucker!" 

"I- do you realize how good you look?"

"What?"

Tucker kept staring at Wash and smiling, "I'm so fucking angry at you right now."

"What? Why are you angry at me?"

"I had like a million puns planned for right now and I can't think of any of them because I'm too busy trying to count your fucking freckles!"

"Okay?"

"Just don't move, just give me a minute to think of some of them." Tucker sighed rubbing his face and thinking, "Why do you never not wear your helmet?"

"I don't know, why the hell do you have a list of puns for this situation?"

"Because that's how I flirt asshole!" Tucker quietly shouted trying to make sure they didn't wake up Caboose, "Do your lips taste as good as they look?"

"Why the hell are you flirting with me?"

"Wash, I was blinded by your beauty, I'm gonna need your phone number for insurance purposes." 

"We literally live in the same building, and neither of us has phones."

"I think your eyes are the same color of my sheets, I think we should go check to be sure."

"Can you even see my color, none of the freaking lights are on!" Wash said turning on the lights in the kitchen.

Tucker froze again for a while just staring at Wash now that the lights were on before he went on a pun-rant, "Hey Wash, your eyes are blue like the ocean and I'm lost at sea! You know, I value my breath, so it'd be nice if you'd stop taking it away every time I see you. Hey Wash, kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute, wanna work out?"

Tucker started running out of breath and stepped back to lean against the counter behind him when he stepped on some of the glass on the floor. "Ow, shit!" 

Wash immediately ran forward caught Tucker before he fell back on more of the glass. "Hey, Tucker," 

"Don't you fucking dare."

"I think you just fell for me,"

"Oh my fucking god I hate you."

"No, you don't,"

"Yeah, I do."

"No, you don't hate me, your lips are just lonely and they need to meet mine."

"I'm so fucking pissed at you right now."

"Don't worry, that was just plan A."

"What's plan B?"

"Sweep you off your feet," Wash started as he picked up Tucker and started carrying him down the hall, "take you back to my room, let you sit on my bed while I get a band-aid for your foot, and seduce you with my awkwardness."

"Jokes on you Wash, both of your plans are gonna fail."

"What?"

"Wash, it's me, when you see me on your bed you're not gonna leave." 

"Tucker, I'm not gonna let you get blood on my bed." 

"I'm not bleeding."

"Didn't you step on the glass?"

"Yeah, but it didn't go into my foot. I just thought it was super hot how immediately protective you got so I rolled with it."

"So you're okay?"

"Yeah, but you're doing a great job of carrying me."

Wash sighed,"You're lucky I love you."

"I love you too." Tucker said as he started kissing Wash's neck.

Wash quickly squeaked and nearly dropped Tucker. 

Tucker smirked at Wash's red face, "Well this is gonna be fun. Bow chicka bow wow."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Dontcha just love how I can write stuff like this but I can't flirt for shit.


End file.
